"My life is an i llusion I have created for myself. I say I have friends. I say people care. I think I have fun, but the truth is: I have no friends, people don't care about me, and trully I am hopelessly miserable every day. No one goes out with me. Nobody cares if I have anything to do over the weekend. I am completely alone in this world. I have no one.. except maybe my dog. I look at my walls in my room, and at the pictures of me with some "friends" but, none of these people are really friends. Where the hell are they if they're such great friends?! Damn it! I'm feeling depressed and lonely and sad and ANGRY! Fuck the world, Fuck this place! I don't want to be here anymore. I just want to go away. I just want to leave this place and all these people. My life is a well masked illusion. Just a show that I put on everyday for you people and for my family. No one knows how I feel. until now.. cause I'm telling you. I hate Me. I hate how I look. I hate how I act. .i just hate how I am. I hate Me. No one cares and it's kinda sad. I have no one. And I never will."

That was on oooold blog that I wrote when I was in High School. Holy Shit. I felt that way. I wanted to post it again because I was just telling my friend Amber and Adriana that I never had their kind of friendship. Friends are rare to find. For my birthday they went so out of their way to do something nice for me. I had such a blas... and I get drunk and started spilling out all these feelings to them. they laughed. it was funny. But truly and honestly I do not feel that way anymore. I can't believe how long its been since that blog was posted, but I just wanted to let you all know that I have overcome that. I have people that care about me, and people that I care about. I may still feel lonely and sad some days, but I know that I will get through and that I have people to help me when I need it. To my good friends that I had in high school, you guys helped me through that tough time then. I am very thankful to have had you guys. To Amber and Adrian, Megan and Aiesha, you guys are amazing. I cannot ask for better friends than you all. I love you so much. I know I can count on all of you, and all of you from back in our CI days... I know that I have true friendships with all of you and I hope you all feel the same way about me. I'm here for all of you. I love you.

New Job

I work for Conferences again! Hooray! I'm staying in the valley over the summer, I'm so happy. I GET to live in the valley! I GET to work Tuesday through Saturday! I GET to do so many things and I'm sooo greatful. I GET to live with MEGAN! I'm soo excited its crazy!

and another thing

my final final

Tonight at 8. Please please please wish me luck. Its for Intro to Financial Accounting... i hate this shit.

work work work

I just read through some of my old blogs... ok. I need to update, like seriously!

I just realized that I haven't really blogged since my first semester ever of college. dang. OK.. so I'm now in the fourth semster. I actually got a job at school, I work in the Housing Office and I'm the Budget Analyst's Student Assistant... I actually really like my job. My boss is sooo chill. Last summer I did NOT go back to Oxnard, I got a job at the Housing Office as a Conference Assistant and had one of the best summers of my life. Working. I got the same job again for this summer... and I'm soo excited for it!
I moved to a new dorm, which is actually the Deaf Dorms of CSUN.. and I changed my major to Deaf Studies and I plan to be an interepreter... I think I'm going to be done in two more years, and I can't wait.
So, theres a small update.. however uninteresting... I'm going out to dinner now.. so I will keep adding to this.

HELL NO I AM!